


Mourning and Beginnings

by Morgane (smilla840)



Category: CSI: Miami
Genre: AU after Nailed, First Time, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-30
Updated: 2013-01-30
Packaged: 2017-11-27 13:37:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/662601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smilla840/pseuds/Morgane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan's uncle dies. Eric tries to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mourning and Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> This was written before season 4 ended, and has long since become AU. 
> 
> Originally posted at my livejournal, and beta'ed by sunhawk.

Ryan and Eric had met a dead end in their investigation and spent the morning going over the evidence in hope of finding some new lead. Ryan was bent over the table, pouring over photos from the scene which, Eric noticed with a small smile, were neatly organized in different piles – probably one per room, he thought.

Eric, who had been reading the financial data on the vic, stood up and stretched. They weren’t any closer to finding a lead, and he needed coffee. Glancing over at Ryan who hadn’t moved, he asked:

“Want some coffee? I’m going to make some.”

Ryan made a noise that could possibly be interpreted as a ‘yes’ – Eric was going to take it that way anyway – and didn’t move one bit. Eric’s smile widened – Ryan could be so predictable sometimes – and very deliberately brushed against him on the way to the door. That didn’t get a reaction either and Eric sighed inwardly. Ryan couldn’t have been more oblivious if he tried.

“I’ll call you when it’s done then.”

Ryan made another ‘yes’ noise, eyes still glued on the pictures and Eric gave up. He certainly wasn’t going to bring coffee in there, because he had once and let’s just say spilled coffee and evidence should never mix.

 

Waiting for the coffee to brew in the break room, Eric let his eyes wander around the lab. The glass walls certainly didn’t do much for privacy, and the room he was in had a great view of the floor. Indeed, there was Ryan, and Eric could swear he hadn’t moved in the past hour or so, except to shift through the different piles. Shaking his head fondly, Eric was suddenly grateful that their relationship had improved so much in the past couple of years, since the ‘nail incident’ as he called it. He was pleased to be able to say that they were friends in addition to coworkers – and maybe some day something more, he hoped, if Ryan would just give him a hint that he was interested. Ryan had relaxed with the team, and their once very competitive relationship had turned into a more teasing and fun one. Not to say that they didn’t still clash from time to time over a piece of evidence or a suspect, their personalities being so wildly different, but it never got personal and it usually resolved itself fairly quickly.

Movement in Horatio’s office made Eric turn his eyes there. A patrol officer – Daniels? – was talking to H and Eric’s interest perked up. Maybe new elements had been found in their case? The vic’s car? But it didn’t seem that way. Daniels looked like he would rather be any place else and both he and Horatio kept shooting glances towards Ryan. Eric frowned. What was going on? Then Daniels was leaving and Horatio was moving towards their lab – towards Ryan.

Ignoring the beeping of the coffee maker, Eric found himself moving in the same direction – because whatever was happening, Ryan was his partner and they were in this together – but H eerily met Eric’s eyes and shook his head minutely. That gave Eric pause and he reluctantly settled to wait and watch.

Horatio was talking to Ryan now and whatever it was, it wasn’t good news. Ryan paled and leaned heavily against the table, closing his eyes. H’s hand was on his shoulder – Eric quelled the automatic ‘hands off’ response because honestly, it was starting to get ridiculous and it was _Horatio_ for God’s sake! – and he was still speaking and Ryan was nodding numbly. Then Ryan was leaving, heading for the locker room and Eric and Horatio were both watching him go.

Shaking himself, Eric reached their lab in a couple of strides. H looked up when he entered – honestly, was there really anything that fascinating about those pictures? – and raised a much too knowing eyebrow.

“What’s going on?” Eric asked, using the no-nonsense voice he usually reserved for suspects who weren’t cooperating before realizing he was doing it. 

“Ryan’s uncle died. Patrol found him this morning. Heart attack.”

Oh. Well, that certainly wasn’t what he had been expecting. He remembered Ryan mentioning his uncle a couple of times with a warm expression and a smile on his face. Before he could start debating with himself whether he should give his friend some time alone or not, his feet were already taking him towards the locker room.

He found Ryan sitting on the bench, staring at some place only he could see. He sat down next to him, now unsure of what he should say or do. As much as he wanted to grab onto him and not let go, he knew it wouldn’t go well with Ryan. He was practically screaming ‘don’t touch’ at the world. And Eric wasn’t Alexx. He had no idea how Ryan would react to him. So he settled for clasping a hand on Ryan’s shoulder. 

Ryan didn’t shrug him off.

“I’m sorry.” 

Ryan nodded, a far-away look still on his face. “Horatio wants me to go home,” he said, sounding a little bewildered, like he couldn’t understand why on earth he couldn’t stay at the lab.

“Yeah.” Eric didn’t really understand what Ryan was going through right now – the only family members he had lost were his grandparents, and he had been so young he didn’t remember most of it, except that his mom had cried a lot. He prayed he wouldn’t have to go through it any time soon – his heart gave a little pang thinking about Marisol, but he resolutely closed his mind to that line of thinking. “Do you need anything?”

“No, I’m good,” Ryan answered mechanically, getting up. Eric’s hand fell off his shoulder and Ryan looked at it strangely, as if he only now realized its former position. “You’ll let me know if there is anything new on the case?”

He sounded so lost that Eric found himself agreeing to keep him updated. Then Ryan was walking through the door and Eric was left alone in the empty locker room, wishing he could do more for his friend.

\---

The rest of the day was frustrating to say the least. Eric couldn’t concentrate on his job, his thoughts constantly going back to Ryan, wondering what he was doing now, if he was with family, or if he even _had_ family. He didn’t know much about Ryan, he had realized today. Ryan never seemed comfortable sharing the intimate bits of his past, and Eric hadn’t really asked either, something he intended to remedy to in the future.

They did find the vic’s car that afternoon, and Eric was glad to finally have something to occupy his mind. It didn’t yield much information, but it was more than they had before. 

Dropping off his samples to Trace, he met Horatio there who told him in no uncertain terms to go home. When he looked at his watch, he was surprised to see that it was getting late. Not putting up a fight for once, he left the lab, only he wasn’t going home. He was going to see Ryan, and he had a very distinct feeling that Horatio knew that too.

\---

When he got to Ryan’s place, he found out that Alexx had beaten him there. She was leaving when he got out of the elevator, and she seemed pleased to see him – but eyed the beers Eric had bought on his way there with disapproval. Eric shrugged. He didn’t care much what Alexx thought right now, this was about Ryan. Not that getting him drunk was his plan, but if it was what he needed right now… well, they were guys. And if it made Ryan relaxed enough to open up, Eric wasn’t letting that pass either.

Knocking on Ryan’s door he glanced back to see Alexx give him a last warning look before the elevator doors closed in front of her. He shook his head. He wasn’t going to hurt her baby.

Ryan opened the door and looked startled to see Eric there. Probably expected Alexx to have forgotten something, Eric thought, before holding up the beers with a raised eyebrow. 

“Want company?” he asked, and Ryan stepped aside to let him in, looking almost relieved to see him.

They sat on the couch and Eric started to update Ryan on their case, figuring it would help take Ryan’s mind off things. Talking about his uncle was probably the last thing he wanted right now, especially since Alexx had just been here. While she only meant the best, Eric knew she could get a little overbearing at times, and Ryan took the brunt of it these days.

Sure enough, Ryan relaxed, losing his stiff posture to lie back against the couch. Eric continued to talk about whatever came to him about his afternoon, gauging how much Ryan was drinking and concluding the other man wasn’t trying to drink himself to oblivion. That was a good sign, he decided.

“So, what did _you_ do this afternoon?” Eric finally asked when he ran out of things to say. Not the most delicate breaching of the subject, but he figured that if Ryan didn’t want to talk about it, he would just say so.

Ryan sighed, his head lolling to the side when he turned to look at Eric, and okay, maybe Ryan was a little drunker that Eric had thought.

“Had to make some calls. My uncle’s lawyer, the funeral home, that sort of things.” Ryan paused. “Called my dad.”

Eric’s interest perked up. “I thought your uncle was on your mother’s side?”

Ryan shrugged. “I don’t know where she is at that time of the year. Europe maybe. My dad doesn’t either, but he can find out. Plus, he and my uncle are- were friends. He said he’ll take care of things.”

Ryan sounded so painfully grateful for that that Eric couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to him and grasping his shoulder in support, like he had in the locker room. _He_ was painfully grateful that Ryan let him again.

“Wanna talk about it?” he asked.

Ryan snorted in a totally non-humorous way. “About what? My screwed-up family?”

It was Eric’s turn to shrug. “Sure. Why not?”

Ryan was silent for the longest time, and Eric thought he would just ignore the question, until he seemed to make up his mind. He started talking, not looking at Eric while he did, and Eric knew this wasn’t for him, but for Ryan. And he was glad of it.

“My parents got married when they were young, maybe too young. Anyway, they had nothing in common, my dad worked all the time, and mom… After a few years they couldn’t stand each other. Then she got pregnant, and let’s just say some people aren’t made to be parents – my mother especially.”

Ryan’s voice had gotten that far-away quality again, and Eric could only listen, fascinated by what Ryan was revealing.

“In the end they got a divorce when I was 6. Mom didn’t want custody so I stayed with my dad. Problem was, he had no idea what to do with me. He was working a lot, so I spent a lot of time with my uncle. And I started developing OCD so dad knew even less what to do. He did his best though, I guess. Then other stuff happened, I went to the Academy and I guess... He just... didn’t understand.”

Eric bit his lips, stopping the comments ready to burst from him. Ryan didn’t need him cursing his family right now. Still, a question came through.

“What about your mom?”

Ryan shrugged. “She isn’t around much. Always on some trip to Europe or to the Caribbean. That’s okay. We don’t get along very well.”

Eric shot him a surprised look. He hadn’t known Ryan came from money. Ryan interpreted his look correctly and shrugged.

“She remarried. My step-dad is some big CEO. We don’t get along either.”

Eric could imagine that. Personally, he thought Ryan’s mom sounded like a cold-hearted bitch who shouldn’t have been allowed to have a kid in the first place. But then, it would have meant no Ryan, and Eric couldn’t quite imagine that either. He could understand Ryan’s relationship with Alexx better though. He had often wondered why a grown man like Ryan allowed himself to be mothered like Alexx did, but he was just getting back what he had missed in his childhood. As far as Ryan’s father went… Eric decided to reserve his judgment. Ryan clearly loved him, despite the wall of incomprehension between them, and considering he had been the one raising Ryan, Eric decided he hadn’t done such a bad job of it.

Lost in his thoughts about Ryan’s family and then his own, he didn’t notice Ryan falling asleep next to him before a weight fell on his shoulder. Startled, he saw that Ryan was indeed sleeping against him, and it made him feel a lot warmer. Allowing himself a brief kiss on top of the younger man’s head, he lowered him gently on the couch, not wanting to wake him up. The day had clearly exhausted Ryan, and the beers he had consumed probably had helped to make him sleepy.

With a final glance at the sleeping man, Eric left the apartment, glad that Ryan had finally opened up to him.

\---

The next day, Ryan showed up at work, to everyone’s surprise – except Eric’s. He saw him argue with Horatio, their boss clearly wanting him to go home, but in the end H gave in. Eric wasn’t surprised. Ryan could be very stubborn when he wanted to.

“Hey,” he greeted him when Ryan entered the Trace lab. Eric was going through the results of the day-before samples, thinking they might – finally! – have a lead.

Ryan blushed a little, which Eric noticed with more than a little interest, and looked a little uncertain. Eric decided to have mercy on him and shoved the results in his direction.

“I think we might have something.”

\---

The rest of the day went well – in a case-related manner of speaking. They got their murderer, got a confession, and handed the whole thing over to the DA, who didn’t have anything to say for once. On a more personal level, however, people had obviously heard about Ryan’s uncle and had been coming up to him all day to offer their condolences. Eric could see Ryan getting more and more edgy every time, and in mid-afternoon he took it upon himself to filter them through: he sent them away while Ryan hid in Ballistics with Calleigh.

That evening Eric showed up again at Ryan’s door – without beers, and wouldn’t Alexx be proud? –, and Ryan looked happy to see him. He talked about his uncle with little probing this time, and it seemed to do him good.

Eric was glad.

\---

The funeral took place the day after that. Eric was supposed to be working but Horatio took one look at him when he showed up and told him to take the day off. He looked way too pleased with himself, Eric thought, but decided not to dwell on that – that H might know about his attraction/feelings for Ryan was something Eric just didn’t want to think about. So he got home, got changed, and headed for the cemetery.

Although he was early, there were a few other people there already, milling around and talking to one another in hushed tones. Eric had no idea how many people were expected, because although Ryan didn’t have a lot of relatives, his uncle must have had friends.

Ryan was easy to spot though. Or rather, Alexx was, standing protectively next to him and eyeing everyone coming close with something that made them turn tail pretty quick. No one was going to upset Ryan with platitudes today. Eric smiled a little and headed for them, knowing that Alexx’s glare had absolutely no effect on him. She still looked at him with a little warning in her eyes but Eric ignored her.

“Hey,” he said when he was close enough not to raise his voice.

Ryan looked up – he had been staring at the ground for the past few minutes and had missed his arrival. He seemed to be holding up okay, Eric thought, and although he looked surprised to see Eric, he didn’t appear to object to his presence either.

“Weren’t you supposed to work today?” Ryan asked.

Eric shrugged. “H gave me the day off.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Ryan went back to staring at the grass and Eric exchanged a somewhat worried glance with Alexx who shook her head sadly. Okay, maybe he wasn’t doing so well after all. 

Knowing Ryan wouldn’t mind, Eric reached out and gripped his shoulder, waiting for him to look up again. When he finally did, he looked so forlorn that Eric wanted nothing more than to pull him close, but it wasn’t the place nor the time. So he settled for: 

“How are you holding up?”

Ryan made a non-committal sound and was about to say more when his eyes fell upon something over Eric’s shoulder and he tensed. Eric looked back to see an older man with graying hair and green eyes looking back at them. Ryan’s father, he guessed. The family resemblance wasn’t strong, but it was there, and when the man started to move towards them, Eric had his suspicion confirmed.

“Ryan. How are you?”

“I’m fine Dad. How are you?”

Eric almost winced at the empty conversation. Then he realized his hand was still on Ryan’s shoulder and let go rather abruptly. Ryan’s father shot him a curious glance which encompassed Alexx, but Ryan didn’t seem to want to introduce them. So Eric settled on observing them and listening to the awkward words exchanged. Up close, the resemblance was stronger, Ryan’s father appearing to be in his mid- to late fifties. They both shared the same eyes and nose, and some of their mannerism as well. What was obvious, however, was that neither of them seemed to know how to deal with the other.

“I called your mother. She said she was coming – if she could get a flight.”

At that, both Ryan and his dad glanced around the crowd, and both seemed somewhat relieved to find no trace of the woman in question. 

Then the minister approached them and asked if they were ready to begin. At Ryan’s father’s nod, the congregation started moving towards the casket. Eric followed Ryan, who seemed almost reluctant to come closer. He stood behind him, with Alexx next to them. He knew he was close, maybe too close to Ryan – he had caught a couple of looks thrown their way – but since his nearness appeared to be comforting to his friend, Eric wasn’t going anywhere. Especially when Ryan’s mother showed up, 15 minutes into the ceremony, and Ryan’s tense posture turned even more strained.

The ceremony itself was simple and thankfully short – Eric wasn’t sure how much more Ryan could have handled. Then there was a reception at Ryan’s father’s house. Alexx gestured him to get Ryan and drive him there, and Eric didn’t argue. Taking Ryan’s arm, he gently pulled him towards his car. Half-way there, Ryan stopped and looked back towards the still-opened grave, a bewildered expression on his face. When his eyes met Eric’s again, they were so empty Eric could feel his loss.

This time, he didn’t hesitate. He grabbed Ryan and pulled him into a close embrace. He didn’t care if anyone was looking.

\---

The drive to the house was spent mostly in silence, Ryan only giving him directions from time to time. Yet it wasn’t uncomfortable, both men lost in their own thoughts.

When they got there, Alexx was already waiting for them. Clearly, she had decided not to let Ryan out of her sight. While Eric was grateful for her support, he had to restrain the urge to tell her to back off and give him some space.

At some point they got separated, Ryan cornered by what looked to be a great aunt or something and Alexx off to find themselves something to drink. Eric was standing on the sidelines, looking out of the window and wondering if this was the house Ryan had grown up in, when a voice behind him startled him.

“Excuse me...”

Eric turned around, his eyes widening when he saw who was talking to him.

“You are one of my son’s friends?”

“Yes sir. Eric Delko. I work with Ryan at the crime lab.” Eric extended a hand towards Ryan’s father who shook it firmly. “Sorry for your loss,” he added in an afterthought, remembering that Ryan had said his father and uncle had been friends.

“Thank you.” Ryan’s father was looking at him with curious eyes, as if he was trying to figure something out. “I’m sorry, but I need to ask. Are you my son’s lover?”

This time Eric couldn’t stop his surprise from showing and it took all his investigator’s training not to gawk openly. At the same time, his mind was racing. Did that mean Ryan was so inclined? And was he really that transparent? “Excuse me?” 

“Oh. My mistake then.” Strangely, the man looked both relieved and disappointed. “I hope I didn’t put my son in an awkward position.”

“No, not at all.” Eric managed to say firmly, still reeling from the revelation.

“I see.” And the man was smiling now, a little smile that looked exactly like Ryan’s ‘I know something you don’t’ smile. He started to walk away before he seemed to change his mind and turned back towards Eric. “I hope you’ll forgive me for talking about things that aren’t any of my business, but it’s obvious you care about him. And I may not know my son very well but I still _know_ him. Maybe you should reconsider.” His gaze grew distant, telling Eric he was seeing something that wasn’t there anymore. “Ryan needs people caring for him. God knows we didn’t do a spectacular job of it.”

“I’m sorry sir, but you should be saying this to Ryan.” Eric said, locking eyes with him in both acknowledgment and challenge.

“Yes I should, shouldn’t I?” With that, he was gone, and Eric found himself staring after him.

Well… That probably was one of the most mind-boggling discussions Eric had ever had with anyone. Going back over the words in his head, Eric’s mind couldn’t quite get past two very important facts. 

One, Ryan was gay. Or his father thought he was.

Two, he had basically given Eric his blessing to engage in a relationship with his son.

That certainly was… interesting.

From across the room he could see Ryan’s father make his way towards his son, and he really hoped the two would start to mend things between them. Ryan’s mother had taken off again to go somewhere – not a great loss, in Eric’s opinion.

Before he could start pondering more on the Ryan question – or rather the when and how –, Alexx joined him, effectively shutting his line of thoughts.

“You should take him home soon.” 

Eric shot her a questioning glance and she elaborated.

“He doesn’t have his car, I picked him up this morning.”

That certainly wasn’t what Eric had been asking her to elaborate on but it didn’t matter. He was now too busy looking at Ryan and his father, analyzing their posture and expression. It seemed to be going well. Ryan didn’t look as tense as he had been when his father had come over, and Eric found that to be a good sign.

Alexx followed his line of sight. “What do you think they’re talking about?”

At that moment, Ryan turned a little red and the two men turned in unison to look briefly at Eric. Alexx smirked.

“Well, I guess that answers that question.”

Eric groaned, feeling as embarrassed as Ryan was looking. He really _really_ hoped Ryan’s father wasn’t outing him to his son – it was something he would rather do himself, thank you very much.

“You will be careful with him.”

It was as much an affirmation as a threat, and Eric tore his eyes from Ryan to look at Alexx, his eyes narrowing a little.

“Ryan isn’t a child.”

“Doesn’t mean he doesn’t need someone looking out for him. Everybody needs that,” she stated, not in the least put off by Eric’s tone.

“Yes, well… I won’t let him down.”

“Good.” Alexx seemed satisfied with his answer and left it at that.

Eric rolled his eyes. He now had ‘mom’s’ blessing as well.

\---

When Eric did manage to drive Ryan home – there had been a few other interruptions from well-meaning family friends – it was already late afternoon and Ryan was nodding off in the passenger seat. Not that it was that late but the man probably hadn’t slept well for the past few days, Eric reflected. With the stress of the funeral and seeing his family gone, Ryan could now focus on dealing with his grief. It would take time, but Eric wasn’t about to let him go through it alone.

Parking in front of Ryan’s apartment, he gently shook the other man awake. Ryan stirred and mumbled something unintelligible before turning bleary eyes towards Eric.

“We’re here.”

Ryan peered around, still half asleep, in a way Eric found distractingly endearing.

“Come on, I’ll walk you home.”

They both got out of the car, Ryan much less gracefully than usual, and walked silently to the door of Ryan’s flat. If Ryan sometimes bumped into him, Eric tried not to get his hopes up too much.

“So…” Eric started. “You’re going to be okay?”

Ryan shrugged. “Yeah.”

Eric nodded. Ryan _would_ be okay, eventually, even if he wasn’t right now. He wondered how or even if he should bring up what had been making his head swirl all afternoon. It wasn’t really the right time, he thought, but maybe it would help Ryan to know he was there for him and not just because he felt sorry for him. That, as cliché as it might sound, life went on.

In the end, it was Ryan who broke the silence.

“So,” he said in a would-be casual voice which immediately told Eric something was up. “What are you doing tomorrow evening?”

Eric could only stare. Was Ryan saying what he thought he was saying? He had never thought Ryan would actually make the first move. His silence however seemed to make the already weary Ryan even more uncomfortable and he immediately back-pedaled. 

“You know… I thought we could watch a game or something, like…”

“Are you asking me out?” Eric blurted out and great, now he sounded like a teenage girl. But he didn’t care much at the moment, he was focused on Ryan’s answer.

“That depends.” Ryan still sounded cautious.

“On what?” Eric grinned, knowing he had his answer. 

“Whether you’re going to hit me if I say yes?”

Eric kissed him instead.


End file.
